It is two a.m.
I am listening to music.
I feel like I have pills going through my system.
I do not.
I just watch Jim Morrison have a complete acid trip on stage on youtube.
The boy was fried.
Like, sausages dancing in front of his face, fried.
Yeah.
I painted tonight.
I am now listening to Eisley.
I have so much to do in the next few weeks.
I am going to Salt Lake City on the ninth with Daniel to visit my parents.
One week, but I want it to be today.
I am now going to collapse into sleep.
Goodnight world.
I am not high.
I promise.

This has been a most interesting week.
I will expound on that later.
I promise.
Right now, however, I must clean my room.
Then work on some humanities homework.
Then hang out with my boyfriend for a little while.
:)

Evie

Oh yes, the time has come for us to say goodbye

I hate having to cut people out of my life.
It rarely happens because as Christians, we are called to be kind.
We are also called to live godly lifestyles and we are not supposed to use "being kind" as an excuse to drop to the world's level of "fun".
Unfortunately, there was a someone in my life that was more than happy to roll around in the mud with me and we have had to cut ties.
We tried to not roll around in the mud together and it didn't work out so hot.
There was nothing godly about us and it is time to part ways completely.
Bummer of a thing to do.
I truly despise doing it.
If I hadn't of gone where I wasn't supposed to, I wouldn't be in this situation.
So once again, my stupidity is mine, not God's.
I'm taking comfort in the fact that I have people who love me and want what's best for me.
Most of all, God wants what is best for me and He has better plans for me than mud wrestling. . .

Now then,I am going to go try and have some fun with my extended family here in Utah.

Miss E.

haha.

One of my best friends is coming in next week for his Spring break.
I am super happy about that.
I am going to Salt Lake on Friday.
Anybody want to take me to the airport?
If I know you, I mean, do you want to take me to the airport. . .
Anyway.
I really need to do homework . . .
And laundry. . .
And the dishes.
:D
I'll do them all.
Right now, I am listening to music and enjoying laying on my back relaxing.
This is completely random, but I am now an AVON rep.
It is actually pretty cool.
I will put some more info about that up soon :)

Dear Mom, I promise I'm trying to write happier things, and I know you don't understand but I'm attatched to the sadness and it rings true when I sing

I know I haven't been here in a while.
I got tired of writing about how I have failed.
This blog was becoming something that just depressed me.
I used to love to write.
Honestly, I still enjoy it very much.
One thing about writing is it forces me to be honest about what is going on in my life.
I don't like what has been going on in my life lately.
Mostly, because I have been making my own decisions.
That is never a good thing.
When I take matters into my own hands all that comes of it is pain.
I don't like to talk about my stupidity.
It just gets me thinking about it.
I don't like recalling it.
Most days, I can't make the recalls stop.
I try not to let it show on my face.
Am I convincing?
I don't know.
I try to do the right things.
I try to cut the wrong people out of my life.
I try.
I fail.
I forget Jesus.

I have been contemplating writing on here everyday.
Sharing the things that are really going through my head instead of taking long absences and having them all spill out into one long blog.
I don't know.
I'm afraid that it would be depressing. and people wouldn't want to read it.
I'm afraid that people would read it and pity me.
I hate being pitied.
I would just like to be fixed.
Bradley Hathaway was right when he said this is a long process of turning me into the person that I'm supposed to be.
Even writing this much has made me sad, not helped me.
I don't know what is going on in my head.
I think that this is enough for right now.
I'll talk to you all later.

I just failed my math test.
I am not excited about this fact.
I will not get to do a do-over (completely understandable, I do not deserve one).
I have two more tests left in that class.
Two more tests which I will actually study for.
Procrastination is from the Devil.
I am not joking.
Nope, not joking even a little bit.

Have a good day, study for your tests, and don't procrastinate.

Miss E.
B)

Do I take merit in standing back and looking at this creation around me?
Why, yes I do.
I think that if we all did it a little bit more, our lives would reflect a more calm attitude.
I love to sit and let my mind wander off to places that I have been before.
I love to let it wander to the places that I wish to go to.
I was talking to one of my more interesting professors today and was amazed at the amount of times the expression, "Hopefully, some day," came out of my mouth.
I guess I have a few more aspirations than I had previously given myself credit for.
Maybe I will get the chance to put some of these dreams into action.
I think I will work on a few of those.

Random thoughts from my scattered brain.
Thanks for all the fish :)
(if you know where that is from, I like you alot)

Evie B.

P.S. Write someone that you are thinking of or praying for a handwritten note. They will love
you for it :)