Again

I would like to be almost anywhere other than where I am right now. I am not looking forward to the next five months and I want them to go by really, REALLY quickly. That's it.
Evie

Nothing is ever going to be the same again.

I'm bleeding, I already miss people and I'm not even gone yet, and all I want to do is cry.

Horrible, absolutely horrible.

P.S. Darian, you weren't at club last night, so I didn't get to say goodbye :(. So here is a shout out and a hug!!!!!!! I love you and so does Jesus. You are a cool girl and God's going to keep using you. Ok, there was my goodbye! Love you, hon.

Evie B)

....

I want my country boy: I want him now .
:'(
Wah.
Haha.
Evie B)

I talk too loud sometimes
I have no regrets
Every mistake I've made has made me the woman you see today
I don't want to hear you complain
If you are that upset,
Do something to make it change
I don't believe in hate
And those that do anger me
People taking initiative to understand
That's what I want to see
I don't like when guys look at my body instead of my face
My backside doesn't have anything to say
You're looking in the wrong place
People usually either like me or hate me
This is something I'm used to
My tears after you disapprove are what you don't see
I focus on Jesus
The things He did so I could live
After thinking of His suffering, I have no reason to fuss
Most people don't take the time to see the sky
I've decided I have to slow down
Otherwise all the beauty of this life will pass me by
I hate missed opportunity
But I hate the fear that I feel before branching out to something new
Nevertheless, I can't stand uniformity
I don't like letting new people in general
But most people don't know that
Usually, I'm viewed as the first one to come over and say, "Hey, ya'll!"
Not a completely wrong interpretation of my personality
But there is much more under the surface I've built
Than a girl with charismatic ability
So that's a little glimpse of me set to a stupid rhyme
I don't have anything more for tonight
Until next time

Evie B)

Ok, so guess what? I got blog tagged. 10 things about me, here goes:

1) I like people who don't lie.

2) I can crochet AND knit.

3) I love to sing.

4) I hate packing.

5) I like REALLY bright colors.

6) I like the Gaither Vocal Band (don't mock!)

7) I like Demon Hunter.

8) I listen to Bradley Hathaway.

9) I love music in general. (In case you couldn't tell...)

10) I love dancing in the rain :)

Ok, anybody reading this has been blog tagged!
Have fun.
Evie B)

So yeah. I feel like my face is going to explode into another place of stupidity.
I got back from Salt Lake last night. The drive wasn't too bad, but by the time we hit Cuba (the little New Mexican town around 60 miles north of here, not the country) I was ready to be out of that car. I walked out into the cold night with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders and then started pulling stuff out of the car. After everything was in the house, I collapsed onto the couch. Then, I went upstairs, took a shower, dried my hair, and then went to bed. I checked my computer stuff sometime in there, too.
I slept so hard. When I woke up this morning, I was like, ''huh''. I went to my Music class, found out I missed a quiz, wuhoh, went to my chiro appointment, had lunch with my Dad, and then came home. Now we are up to the present and I am going to go do my a Spanish quiz thingamabobber. Hope you enjoyed this detailed little whatever this has been. Goodbye and thanks for the fish.
Evie

I really don't care what kind of music you like, you should go listen to this song because this man can sing. Plus, the song is incredible. Enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A_jMCEYgUY&feature=related

I miss that night when we sang praise songs to the God of the universe. I miss sitting under that stars and being completely in awe of how amazing God really is. I miss the feel of your arms around me on that night. You always made me feel warm and safe when everything was broken. I know you won't read this, but I think about you often, pray for you more, and hope that someday, we will get another night under the stars.
Evie

Matthias replaces Judas

Ok, so this is just a, "this is an awesome song and an awesome version", post. Here's the lyrics to the song Matthias Replaces Judas by Showbread. This one girl does it on youtube and her channel is ooaLiCiAMaRiEoo. She is pretty cool, you should go check her out. Ok, so, the lyrics :)

It is so that my transgressions have born a withered fruit,
The sun has scorched the rising plans;
Alas they have no root
The bleached bones of animals bound by leather strips
Dance through the air with laughter as I wield this wicked whip
As you did warn me carpenter, this world has weakened my heart
So easily I disparage, self-seeking the work of my art
And there You have come to me at the moment I bathe in my sorrow
So in love with myself, sought after avoiding tomorrow
Where do you find the love to offer he who betrays you?
And offer to wash my feet as I offer to disobey You (my favorite line)
Your beauty does bereave me, and how my words do fail
So faithfully and dutifully I award You with betrayal
The weak and the down trodden fall on broken legs
As I walk past a smile I cast, fervor in my stead
But my bones like plastic, do buckle backward now
I lay in this field by Judas and anticipate the plow
I can not be forgiven; my wages will be paid
For those more lovely and admirable is least among the saved
And where would I fit Jesus?
What place is left for me?
The price of atonement is more than I've found to offer up as my plea
Jesus, my heart is all I have to give to You
So weak and so unworthy:
This simply will not do
No alabaster jar, no diamond in the rough
For Your body that was broken, how can this be enough?
By me You were abandoned
By me You were betrayed
Yet in Your arms and in Your heart forever I have stayed
Your glory illuminates my life
And no darkness will descend
For You have loved me forever
And You love will never end.

"I'm glad my citizenship is in heaven, the ultimate red state."
What a revolting remark.
Are you seriously suggesting that there won't be any democrats/moderates/independts in heaven?
Well, gee, I guess I'm out, then...

P.S. Even if you are "joking", that is a truly offensive statement.

I am eerily calm right now. I am not surprised that Obama won. Everybody be non-pyscho and just pray for him and all that are in his circle of influence. Instead of making stupid comments about things that we can't change, lets make a conscience effort to pray for the man who will be dictating some very serious issues in the next four years, if we have that many.

I have already read comments from people who are my friends on facebook about how they hope judgement comes quickly. I don't want judgement. My hope and desire is that the Obama's would come to know and fully depend on Jesus, not that God would send "swift and thorough" judgement, as it was put so bluntly on facebook...

As for the future, I think that we may be nearing the end, but, and this is a big but, none of us know. Lets live everyday like there is no tomorrow and not worry about whether or not the world is coming to an end. I really don't care. Jesus is going to come back, that I know, but I'm choosing not to let thinking about if it will happen in the next four years become something that takes up too much of my time.

I truly believe that we, as Christians, should minister all the time. This is a challenge for me because I think that if I start a conversation about Jesus, people will think that I'm nuts, but I have decided that a life restored for Jesus is worth a moment of potential awkwardness. Lets go out and live Jesus, breath Jesus, and TALK about Jesus. It's awesome if we know and read and talk TO Him, in fact, it is completely!!! necessary, but we have to spread it around by talking ABOUT Him.

Alright, so, in closing, lets not worry about this country, lets prayer for this country and it's new president/first family. Lets not forget about Biden, either. Because, if Obama gets assassinated, which may well happen in this country because racism is still rampant enough for that to be a possibility, Biden is it.

PRAY.

I used to be so close
I used to feel Your breath
I used to want only You,
but then something snapped
Fix me, I'm broken
So empty, but hoping
That You have the glue to do what only You can do.

Someday my Prince will come...again.

So, my Prince already came. He's not just a Prince, He is King. And guess what??? He coming again. Yay.

I love Savers. I love it so much.

"I am willing to support a ban on partial birth/late term abortion, as long as it doesn't interfere with the health of the mother."
~Obama

For the record, being willing to support a ban on partial birth/late term abortion is NOT an if then statement. You are either for it, or against it.

It's pretty funny that purple penguins only roll around in the green snow and only eat the orangey/blue fish.

That was the dream that I had when I was on two prescription pain killers, motrin, two sinus meds, and prilosec for my throat. MEDS MESS ME UP, MAN!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

It's pretty funny. Ask me what.

is there something that i am missing
sometime i spend my time wishing that something would be there that isnt
but what a life that makes me lead
forever missing the love and peace that i have in my life
and forever hoping that there is more to this life than the average

So, I can't believe this is happening to me again. I am moving to Salt Lake City in mid December. I thought that I was going to get to stay in Albuquerque. Apparently not. I am upset and terrified about leaving all of my friends and my church and am pretty much hacked off that God is moving me again. I know He has the better plan and I know that everything will be great, but right now I just want to stay here so I can be comfortable. I am just stunned. I have to pack everything again. Make the eleven hour drive toting my life behind me. This will be the 7th state and the 12th house in 17 years. Wow.

Crying. Crying a lot.

Ok, so I am writing a blog. Shocking, I know. I hope no one keeled over at this ridiculously rare happening. I have had some people ask about my poetry, so I thought I would put the newest addition up. I know that it isn't written in "normal" form. Just read it and make your own stanza and rhythm.


something stellar keeps rolling around in this mind thoughts of the way this life could have been should have been if i had just removed myself from the equation the brokenness that i feel gets annoying i hate myself when i wake in the morning, or mid afternoon as it seems to be the case lately what a waste of these days that I've been given what a shrill reminder that every second that i breath or blink is something that could have been should have been used for so much more
i turn to think of the emptiness that i see in the faces of those around me i know that i have the hope i know that i have the salvation but im selfish, annoyed, and hateful i want to stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head because, lets face it, its warm, and easy to stay in bed with the covers pulled over your head and lets face this, while we're at it, we love this place that is self we love the me time that this generation has taught us is so necessary not to say that we dont need the solitude sometimes, but of course, that is the contradiction the pang of everything that stirs us to wonder and doubt if this existence even exists
broken pieces is what i feel like mostly and who am i to talk i have the Glue
bumping into these faces and places that remind me of "happy" times what are they to me anymore? some hopeless pipe dream that remains i find myself sitting and reminiscing talking to my mom about nothing and feeling so useless what do i do? i talk, i bluster, i scream i blurt out the most sinister things that i truly mean and that horrifies me i am terrified at the fact that those thoughts and songs came out of me but thrilled at the same time i hate the inconsistency
i crave something substantial most days and who am I to talk? I have the substance
such hypocrisy engulfs my moment to moment a complete crime that breaks into a beautiful parole that i never deserved why me? why this place and time that You've dropped me in? i always want something different because God forbid that I become content content, a word that i am not acquainted with and yet yet it haunts my every second content what does that word mean? to let go of all ambition or hope of moving on? of course not to sit still is to die but to constantly move is to wear out so here i find myself, again, swimming in a sea of uncertainty clinging to the things that hope I know the things that I trust the things that I have seen the things that I have felt oh, but there I go feeling again feelings are dangerous that is something i know for sure but i refuse to be shut off like most of the women my age i refuse to shut off my love the free-ness of letting myself fall into who i wish i tried to be more picky about who i end up wanting its just no use
most days i feel tired and who am I to talk? I have the Rest
the utter insanity is that this is the life that i chose i knew what i was getting into and i dove head first i tried to be honest that didnt work out so well it wasnt nice it certainly wasnt pretty but now its all i have and all i know my words tend to offend usually, i just dont blend once again, i have tried it, but what can i do im loud and something about trending makes me sick this is the life that i chose this is the life that i knew i was getting into and i dove head first why?why? what drives this utter lunacy? who is this man that they call Jesus and why do i let every ambition go and follow Him recklessly? Who is this Man? That even the wind and the waves obey Him! I ask it terrified i am no different than my predecessors and I am no different than those who will follow long after me i ask all the time, DONT YOU CARE THAT I AM PERISHING DONT YOU CARE!! This calamity doesnt let up constantly in my face constantly a reminder of what has happened and what i fear will happen daily DONT YOU CARE!!!!
but the clouds break apart in my stormy life and I hear a bone shaking, chill inducing voice
PEACE!
BE STILL!!
Don't you know that you are never alone, never forsaken?
When have I left you?
You will never be forsaken, never alone.
Be still, my wandering child
Know these things
Be still and know that
I AM GOD

~ Evie, 9-8-08. 11:25 p.m.

Someday I will be in a weird band and on that day, I will dye my hair purple. Thank you and goodnight.
Evie B)

SOOOO. Today I looked on the floor near my dad's chair and saw what I thought was just a normal, green highlighter. OHH NNOOO. It was one of the those smell good markers! This one smelled like mint. So, me being the brilliant individual that I am, I wrote on my palm to see if it would make my hand smell all minty! Well, it did make it smell all minty, but it also stained that part of my hand green. Bummer.

What goes on?

My world lately has been one of finding the time. The time to sit down in God's lap and ask Him to talk to me. The time to read the psychology chapter and review the lecture notes. The time to clean my room, wash the clothes, empty the dishwasher, exercise, sleep, relax, the time for everything. It really does seem that there aren't enough hours in the day. That, and the fact that on certain occasions, down right laziness creeps in and paralyzes me. I have noticed that on the days that I let the lazy take over, I feel worse, I am more snappy, and in an all together worse mood. So I guess the battle now is to fight that laziness that tries to invade.

Miss E.

COLDS SUCK!

Check out my Slide Show!

Why?

I just want to scream at people sometimes. I hate it, repeat HATE IT when all people can do is be hacked off and foul to other people. Take a happiness pill. Go listen to happy music. Go eat sugar. Go do something to get rid of that blasted grouchy dissposition! AH!
Ok, so in an attempt to NOT be like those people that drive me insane, I will stop focusing on the negative and try to remember the things that I like about those people. Thank you and goodnight...
Miss E.

Beautiful Letdown

Where I'm at is a very interesting, confusing place. Life is going a thousand miles per hour and yet, sometimes I feel like I am stuck in a huge pile of mud. I find myself having to prioritize, which is something I hate doing. I have always been the girl that wants to do everything, all the time, whenever I want to. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. Bummer. Right now, I have thirty plus books that I want to read, twenty plus paintings rolling around in my head, yet to be painted, and stories and songs of my life and other's are still bouncing off the edges of my skull waiting to be written down. Not to mention all the time that I wish I had to sit in the dark and listen to music. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day. What can I do, school has to get done and so does work. I will say, though, that when I get to hang out with my friends for even just a hour or so, life is sweeter. Take for instance this past Tuesday night. I went out with Peter, Sean, and Jared. We sat at Dion's for two hours and ate pizza, drank soda, talked about life (the sports aspect of life, mostly :D), and were generally stupid. It was a blast. It was calm and crazy at the same time. I love those guys. Each one of them has taught me something about myself and I'm better because of it. I love that God gives us lots of people who compliment different areas of our lives.

So, yeah. This has been a rambler post, but that's ok. Everybody needs to ramble sometimes, right? Of course right...(if you've seen Fiddler on the Roof, you'll get that. If you haven't seen it, you are a deprived individual who needs to go rent fiddler on the roof) So long, folks.
Miss E.

Beautiful Letdown by Switchfoot
It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone
Unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do
In a world full of bitter pain
And bitter doubts
I was trying so hard to fit in
Fit in, until I found out
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belongI don't belong
It was a beautiful letdown
When You found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free
We're still chasing our tails
In the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
In a direction no one wins
No one's won.
See, I don't belong here (I don't belong)
Well, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I will carry a cross
With a song where I don't belong
I don't belongI don't belong here (I don't belong)
No, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I'm gonna set side
And set sail
For the kingdom come, kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down, yeah
Let my foolish pride forever let me down
Ah, Easy living, you're not much like the name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living please c'mon and let me down
We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
It feels like I don't belong here, yeah
It goes like I don't belong here
I don't belong (I don't belong)
Won't you let me down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
You always let me down (I don't belong)
So glad that I'm let down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
'Cause I don't belong here
Won't you let me down!

It's my birthday, we're gonna party like it's my birthday.
CAUSE IT IS! HA

Soooo, this is picture of me about a year ago, and I like it, so I am putting it on my blog. Yay!

As requested...

Well, as requested. I am writing a blog.
So today was Amanda's b'day!! YAY!!

When I was driving home from the mall, I stopped at the Irving/Golfcourse light and noticed a bunch of birds flying off of a roof. So you may be thinking, "So what, Evie, birds fly off of things all the time...", but I noticed that when one bird flew back to the roof, all of the other birds eventually did so, too. Now, I know all about the fact that birds have a dominant, leader bird, just like most other animals have a dominant leader animal, but this particular instance of birds all flying back reminded me of people. I'll explain:

We have all, at some point in our lives been really gung-ho about something. We are jazzed and excited about progressing our passion and for a while, we really fly. But then, one person makes some comment about something like, how what you are doing is ineffectual or a waste of time, and we slowly drop down in our flight. Then another person adds on to what the last person said and we fall even lower. Eventually, when everyone is falling back down to there stagnant, resting place, it is really hard to maintain that flight of love for something that you think/thought could change something for the better.

So I have given you a bunch of "bird" analogies, but my point is (this applies to me, even more than you could possibly know), that even when all the other people in your life begin to mucky muck the thing that you feel passionately about: pray for strength, be resilient, and keep on trucking for the passion that God has put in you.

Alrighty, so that my promised post. :)

Miss E.
P.S. Funny how God can use a pile of birds to make you think, huh?

You can't shut me up and you won't shut me down.
Miss E.

So, for the past week, I have been having a seriously emo time. I just can't believe how ridiculously emolicious I was being, the sad part was, there was nothing licious about it. Just plain old, obnoxious. That's what it was. Oh well, life goes on and I tell you one thing, it's a good thing that God loves emo people. Anyway...
I have some song lyrics that I am gonna write here because I like them, so yeah. :)

PLENTY OF PAPER by EISLEY
Something's growing under that wing
I think a face is dawning
Oh no the books are growing faces
and you're lost quite classically
With your nose in a book
and it seems so fitting
and perhaps this is the end we've sought after for so long
and perhaps now it's done
Cause we've found all the dire dreams
of men and machines and
Turned them all around our
Identical hands
Composing our commands
I cut the moon in half
and stuck a piece through my hair
It made the back of my head glow
Golden yellow and then I took
Ten stars on sticks and placed them in my small metal
Bucket and I gave the other half of the moon to you
Ooh, so you wouldn't forget me while I'm gone
Cause we found all the dire dreams
of men and machines and
Turned them all around to
Enjoy them and benefit ourselves
Our paperback books, our charming looks
Our identical hands
Composing our commands
And oh my love
We can live on the sun
and wouldn't we be attractive
Riding in our shiny motor cars
With eyeglasses full of stars
and plenty of paper for scenery paintings
'Cause we found all the dire dreams
of men and machines and
Turned them all around to
Enjoy them and benefit ourselves
Our paperback books, our charming looks
Our identical hands
Composing our commands