Here's looking at you, kid ;)

Dear God, please don't let me get hurt again.
I'm so happy and so afraid.
Anybody who reads this (all two of you) please be praying.
I'm happy, but I really am scared.
Insecurity is biting at my heals.
I know that I don't show it, but I can be horribly insecure and second guessing.
It is something that I have to move past everyday and they seem to raring their ugly heads at me again.
They like to do that when I'm happy and content.
But that's just it.
I'm happy and I'm content.
So don't feel sorry or bad for me when you read this.
Things are good.
(stream of consciousness, not expected to be really understood)
I'm trying to keep a level head and not get nervous.
I don't want things, ruined, rushed, or otherwise.
Things are just too precious to screw up now.
I really do look forward to getting to see the other side of things one day.
Getting to say all the other sides of situations that you always wanted to know.
It is difficult caring about someone that you don't know well yet.
It is difficult wanting to get to know them, but not knowing how probing is too probing.
But, all I can do is be honest with myself and what I'm feeling.
That's what you said I should do, be honest, so I'm going to trust you.
I know God will honor that.
In the mean time, I'm just trying not to psych myself out.
We shall see how that goes.
I don't want me in this at all.
Only God.
That would give it a fighting chance.
When my insecurites get in the mix, however, things crash and burn.

Here's to life with me removed.
God use me.
Evie.

wow.

For the first time in a year, I am happy.