Well, isn't that special?

So, it is 11:43 p.m. and I am getting ready to head to bed. This will be the first time that I've gone to bed before 2 a.m. in quite a while. Sad, I know, but that is just how it has been going lately.
I know a lot of you have wanted to know how the move has been going, so here's a little update.
1. All the boxes are out of the trucks and inside of the house.
2. All of the furniture is in its respective room.
3. My room has no overhead light in it, so every time I walk in, I flip the light switch and nothing
happens. Grrr.
4. It has been very cold in Salt Lake and I got frost bite today.
5. I am going to a church where my uncle has been preaching a lot lately. I don't know if I will be
staying there or not.
6. The job at Barnes & Noble fell through.
7. I am taking a break from school, but am looking into the possibility of going to several
different universities.
8. Things with my dad have not been good since we moved here.
9. My Christmas was not so hot because of #8.
10. My room still isn't completely unpacked because I have too much junk. I will be changing
that soon.
11. My mom's job is going well.
12. I don't think I have been warm since I got here.
13. I miss all of my friends.
14. I miss my church.
15. I miss being comfortable.
16. I am going to start looking for a job on Monday.
17. I miss small group.
18. I miss Tuesday nights at Dion's.
19. I miss Friday nights.
20. God wants me here.

Number 20 is the only reason that I have not sat my butt back in my car and driven back to Albuquerque. There is a relentless pulling at me that I am right where I am supposed to be, but I feel very alone. It is cold and dreary outside and I feel like the weather has just been mirroring how I feel on the inside. Almost like High of 75 by Relient K. I honestly am having a lot of difficulty being still and patient and trying to see the upside of why I am here. My cousins all have their own lives, which they have graciously been bringing me into, yet it is still very awkward because I don't know them well and they don't know me. The fact of the matter is, I am feeling very, very stretched right now and don't know why I am being stretched so far. There has to be some answer like, "God is bringing you closer to Him through this experience." Which I know, but I'm human. I'm angry, hurt, lonely, worn out, and I want a fresh answer.

That's that side of me. The other side is the one that says, "Calm down." And those two words are coming directly from God's mouth to my ears. This time is going to introduce a lot of new opportunities to me and frankly, that terrifies me. It is much easier to sit back and enjoy what you know you have a handle on, but a completely different thing to pick up and start something entirely new.

This is the first move of my life that I had a real, honest to goodness life in the place that I left. Salt Lake City may be bringing my thirteenth house, but it's presenting my first life over hall. El Paso was hard, but I WANTED to leave there (for lots of reasons). I can't say the same about Albq. That was the first place that I ever drove, I ever went to hang out with people, felt involved and that I had a hand in something, felt invested in peoples lives: and I had to leave. Now that I have realized that, I have had to start thinking about how to deal with letting go of all of those things. That is where the struggle has been. The next few months look like they are bringing new jobs, new responsibilities, new uses of time, new people, and new friends. I am looking forward to the newness, but not to the hard that comes along with it. "I am a stranger in a strange land." Those words have never resonated so much as they do now.

So, for those of you who wanted to know how things were going, there was the update. I'm sorry that it wasn't more cheery and to the tone of, "Every thing's going great! I've already talked to eight LDS missionaries!", but I would be lying through my teeth. Just be praying for me to sit and wait/watch, and then do what God has set me up to do here. I love all of you and think about you daily.

Evie B)