Hello world!
I am visiting New Mexico with Daniel. We have been there since this past Tuesday and will be hanging out until the first of October. We are staying at his folks house and we have been having a good grand old time. We got up today and ran errands and by the time that I got home, I had a huge headache. I took a nap and that was quite awesome. I woke up and thankfully my headache was gone. Bye bye headache!
So that was the boring update of my day.
Daniel and I are doing very well.
Things are crazy.
We learn every day.
Usually fight every week.
But we are loving every second.
It is incredible being with this man.
I'm blessed and if you are still looking for your perfect guy or gal, hold on.
We have both made dumb mistakes in our pasts while waiting for each other.
I'm beggin ya, don't follow our stupid examples.
God is love, love is real, and that love will keep you while you wait for your baby.
Have a good day.
If anyone reads this, I love you and hope that you are finding contentment in your place in life.

Evie H.

My life has COMPLETELY changed in a matter of two months.
I will elaborate when I feel like it.
I will be starting a, "Holy cow, I'm married, life is insanity when life becomes attatched to another person!" blog, soon.

Oh my goodness. I am running on empty. So bad.

I'm engaged and I'm moving to Utah by the end of the month.
Holy freaking cow.

Tata for now!

Love you all and for those of you that are my good buddies and if I haven't told you this in person yet, I apologize, but I had to write it down somewhere or my head was going to explode!
So, that was an uber long run on sentence, but who cares?! Blogs don't get graded! Anyway, I love you guys who do read and just saw that and were like, "WAAA???"
We will talk later, I promise :)

Evie.

It is two a.m.
I am listening to music.
I feel like I have pills going through my system.
I do not.
I just watch Jim Morrison have a complete acid trip on stage on youtube.
The boy was fried.
Like, sausages dancing in front of his face, fried.
Yeah.
I painted tonight.
I am now listening to Eisley.
I have so much to do in the next few weeks.
I am going to Salt Lake City on the ninth with Daniel to visit my parents.
One week, but I want it to be today.
I am now going to collapse into sleep.
Goodnight world.
I am not high.
I promise.

This has been a most interesting week.
I will expound on that later.
I promise.
Right now, however, I must clean my room.
Then work on some humanities homework.
Then hang out with my boyfriend for a little while.
:)

Evie

Oh yes, the time has come for us to say goodbye

I hate having to cut people out of my life.
It rarely happens because as Christians, we are called to be kind.
We are also called to live godly lifestyles and we are not supposed to use "being kind" as an excuse to drop to the world's level of "fun".
Unfortunately, there was a someone in my life that was more than happy to roll around in the mud with me and we have had to cut ties.
We tried to not roll around in the mud together and it didn't work out so hot.
There was nothing godly about us and it is time to part ways completely.
Bummer of a thing to do.
I truly despise doing it.
If I hadn't of gone where I wasn't supposed to, I wouldn't be in this situation.
So once again, my stupidity is mine, not God's.
I'm taking comfort in the fact that I have people who love me and want what's best for me.
Most of all, God wants what is best for me and He has better plans for me than mud wrestling. . .

Now then,I am going to go try and have some fun with my extended family here in Utah.

Miss E.

haha.

One of my best friends is coming in next week for his Spring break.
I am super happy about that.
I am going to Salt Lake on Friday.
Anybody want to take me to the airport?
If I know you, I mean, do you want to take me to the airport. . .
Anyway.
I really need to do homework . . .
And laundry. . .
And the dishes.
:D
I'll do them all.
Right now, I am listening to music and enjoying laying on my back relaxing.
This is completely random, but I am now an AVON rep.
It is actually pretty cool.
I will put some more info about that up soon :)

Dear Mom, I promise I'm trying to write happier things, and I know you don't understand but I'm attatched to the sadness and it rings true when I sing

I know I haven't been here in a while.
I got tired of writing about how I have failed.
This blog was becoming something that just depressed me.
I used to love to write.
Honestly, I still enjoy it very much.
One thing about writing is it forces me to be honest about what is going on in my life.
I don't like what has been going on in my life lately.
Mostly, because I have been making my own decisions.
That is never a good thing.
When I take matters into my own hands all that comes of it is pain.
I don't like to talk about my stupidity.
It just gets me thinking about it.
I don't like recalling it.
Most days, I can't make the recalls stop.
I try not to let it show on my face.
Am I convincing?
I don't know.
I try to do the right things.
I try to cut the wrong people out of my life.
I try.
I fail.
I forget Jesus.

I have been contemplating writing on here everyday.
Sharing the things that are really going through my head instead of taking long absences and having them all spill out into one long blog.
I don't know.
I'm afraid that it would be depressing. and people wouldn't want to read it.
I'm afraid that people would read it and pity me.
I hate being pitied.
I would just like to be fixed.
Bradley Hathaway was right when he said this is a long process of turning me into the person that I'm supposed to be.
Even writing this much has made me sad, not helped me.
I don't know what is going on in my head.
I think that this is enough for right now.
I'll talk to you all later.

I just failed my math test.
I am not excited about this fact.
I will not get to do a do-over (completely understandable, I do not deserve one).
I have two more tests left in that class.
Two more tests which I will actually study for.
Procrastination is from the Devil.
I am not joking.
Nope, not joking even a little bit.

Have a good day, study for your tests, and don't procrastinate.

Miss E.
B)

Do I take merit in standing back and looking at this creation around me?
Why, yes I do.
I think that if we all did it a little bit more, our lives would reflect a more calm attitude.
I love to sit and let my mind wander off to places that I have been before.
I love to let it wander to the places that I wish to go to.
I was talking to one of my more interesting professors today and was amazed at the amount of times the expression, "Hopefully, some day," came out of my mouth.
I guess I have a few more aspirations than I had previously given myself credit for.
Maybe I will get the chance to put some of these dreams into action.
I think I will work on a few of those.

Random thoughts from my scattered brain.
Thanks for all the fish :)
(if you know where that is from, I like you alot)

Evie B.

P.S. Write someone that you are thinking of or praying for a handwritten note. They will love
you for it :)

Chef Boyarde, hot chocolate, and the Sound of Music. I am definitely sick.

please just let me go home.
please.

one of these days

I'm up.
Again.
I haven't been up this late for a while.
I'm seeing that with every passing day, my life changes.
Even if it is in a miniscule way, it does, nonetheless.
My schedule, my time, my looks, my feelings, my friends, my home, my music, my reading, and who knows what else.
The only thing in my life that doesn't change is my Jesus.
My relationship with Him changes, but He doesn't.
I would love to be able to write that my relationship gets better daily, but I would be lying.
It didn't get better over the last two weeks.
It got worse in a lot of ways.
Is that His fault?
No.
He didn't change.
I did.
That is something that I hate admitting.
When my relationship with Him suffers, it is because of my changing heart and desires.
There are many days that I don't get up and make the choice to follow Him.
I get up and get moving.
I don't even acknowledge Him.
Some days, I acknowledge Him, but keep moving anyway.
I hate that about myself.
I have an incredible ability to know the right set of actions and turn and run the opposite direction.
I am a master at blatant disregard.
That is sickening to me.
I suppose that the fact that I can recognize that about myself and still see it for the disgusting thing that it is, displays that there is still hope for me.
This past week, I feel like I've failed.
Failed with money, with my time, and with my motives.
It has been one of those weeks where you look back and see that you suck without God.
That is a blessing.
If you are reading this and you aren't a Christian, you won't get that.
The fact that I am able to see that I am completely busted up at best without Jesus in my life is the only thing that keeps me centered.
My life makes no sense without my Jesus.
All of my bright ideas burn out rapidly and I'm left with a pile of ashes in my hands.
My smallness is something of which I am completely aware.
I'm trying to learn to be thankful for that.
It is a difficult lesson.
I like to take the reigns in my life.
I do not like to be dependant on anyone else.
I like to feel a sense of accomplishment when "I" do something.
Just seeing that in type makes me see the complete absurdity of it.
I know that nothing good comes from my real heart.
I can put up a fancy fascade better than most, going so far as to fool people close to me, but my desires are nothing to be admired.
They are self-serving in the worst way.
They seek the easy path.
They hurt my friends.
Worst of all:
They break my Savior's heart.


I'm a screwed up individual that continues to strive for God's best.
My plans fail.
Always.
But when I allow Jesus to step into my life and regain the control that is rightfully His, my life is unbelievable.
Events fall into places, doors get opened, and possibilites that I didn't even know where options come flooding into my life.
Jesus loves me.
He loves you, too.
We all just have to let Him love us fully.
Lately, it has been a conscious choice for me to pick Jesus' best for my life.
That choice seems to happen multiple times of day.
When life is falling in around me, I take a step back and say, "God, my life is for You. No one else. Especially not myself. I'm letting You take care of the situation."
It is the most liberating feeling I know.



THE PRESSURE'S OFF.

musings. . . . . yeah.

The fact of the matter is, I refuse to be the type of woman who stands and complains about her body or self-image in front of men. I do not take part in that in front of woman very often, either. I have been finding that this seems to make some men a little uncomfortable and some women jealous. For the men, it seems like they think I don't want to be complimented, which is certainly not the case. For the women, it seems that they think I'm snooty, which, I'm not. For any guy reading this, I love to be complimented, just like any other breathing female on the planet. For the women, I have insecurities like every other breathing female on the planet. I just don't find it acceptable to blab about them in front of anyone who will listen. One thing that I have learned is that men won't even notice those "flaws" until we lovely woman bring them to their attention. Another thing: Girls, be happy with who you are. If you're thighs aren't perfect to you, if your hair is fluffy in places that you would prefer it not be, if you think that your skin is deplorable without caking make-up on it, hear me:
You are beautiful. You're treasured. You're loved.
So please stop complaining.

I have three more days of work before I get a day off. By that time, I will have worked six days in a row. I start school on Tuesday and am back to work on Wednesday. I am still sick because I didn't get a chance to get better. Please be praying. I don't have anybody else to cover shifts.

I think that it is truly amusing that we live in a time where you can find more thirty somethings who are more childish than seven year olds. All you have to do is come work at the mall for one day and you will understand what I mean.

My dear, sweet lovelies, you just don't quite understand yet.