Pray for me.

Welcome to my diary

God, it's just You and me.
I'm angry.
I'm numb.
I'm hurt.
I'm relieved.
I'm in a definite funk.
Work to be done
This I know
Waiting for a revelation
Please let it show
Broken down
Feeling alright
Trying to live by faith
Not by my sight
But what am I to do
When what I know as true
Leaves me empty
Black and blue
Father, be my only truth
Reveal why I was so in love
Tired of this hurt
Make me rise above
Thoughts are constantly swimming
Feels like my heart is dying
Speak, wise mouth
Reassure me that the devil is lying
I feel blind
Walking down a new path
I'm sick of stumbling
You do the math
I don't know what else to pray for
Nothing of my motive is good
It doesn't matter which pattern I choose
I don't do as I should
I have nothing left to offer
Maybe that's the point
I'm on my knees again
With nothing left but Abba, Father.

My room mate is a sceamer.

This is what it feels like when a heart beats.

I hurt.

I'm thankful that I'm alive.
I'm thankful that God saved me from an abusive man.
I'm thankful that God removed a fake from my life.
I'm thankful for my parents.
I'm thankful for my friends who love me.
I'm thankful for time.
I'm thankful for music.
I'm thankful for the Vances.
I'm just thankful.

The past few days have been a reminder that I am not invincible.
Things still catch up with me even when I feel like I'm on cloud nine.
Heaven looks better by the day.
I won't have to miss being held there.
I'll always be warm.
I'll see your face there.
I won't have memories following me like ghosts.

Breathe B.Reith
This is not the life that I had planned
I'm standing on a patch of sinking sand
The man I thought I once would be is far from where I am
And this pain staking process is wearing me thin again
Coming into this broken dream and breathe down on me breathe down on me
Sing Yourself through a melody and breathe down on me breathe down on me
I can't remember where it all went wrong
Before I knew it all of me was gone
But when I lost it all that's when my life truly began
And I found myself secure in the palm of your hand again

Here's looking at you, kid ;)

Dear God, please don't let me get hurt again.
I'm so happy and so afraid.
Anybody who reads this (all two of you) please be praying.
I'm happy, but I really am scared.
Insecurity is biting at my heals.
I know that I don't show it, but I can be horribly insecure and second guessing.
It is something that I have to move past everyday and they seem to raring their ugly heads at me again.
They like to do that when I'm happy and content.
But that's just it.
I'm happy and I'm content.
So don't feel sorry or bad for me when you read this.
Things are good.
(stream of consciousness, not expected to be really understood)
I'm trying to keep a level head and not get nervous.
I don't want things, ruined, rushed, or otherwise.
Things are just too precious to screw up now.
I really do look forward to getting to see the other side of things one day.
Getting to say all the other sides of situations that you always wanted to know.
It is difficult caring about someone that you don't know well yet.
It is difficult wanting to get to know them, but not knowing how probing is too probing.
But, all I can do is be honest with myself and what I'm feeling.
That's what you said I should do, be honest, so I'm going to trust you.
I know God will honor that.
In the mean time, I'm just trying not to psych myself out.
We shall see how that goes.
I don't want me in this at all.
Only God.
That would give it a fighting chance.
When my insecurites get in the mix, however, things crash and burn.

Here's to life with me removed.
God use me.
Evie.

wow.

For the first time in a year, I am happy.

fail.

I am loved.

New.

So, I haven't written in quite a while.
I really haven't known what to share and what not to.
Everything in my life has been really, ridiculously fast, and very slow at the same time.
When I saw slow, I mean like, tortoise paced, slow, but zooming at the same time.
This year was my last year of camp.
I had been going to it for eight years.
For those past eight years, I knew what I would be doing the week surrounding the 4th of July.
I have no idea what I will do next year with that week open.
Maybe I will go to Oregon and Washington state.
I've never been to either of those states before and I would really love to go.
My buddy Jake has family in Oregon so whenever he goes up there, he drives through the Redlands in northern California.
He takes the most amazing pictures and every time I see them, I want to hop in my car and start driving.
I don't know, now that I'm typing it out, I may not make it until next year before I take a trip up there. ;)

Well, I really have absolutely no clue what this post was for or about, but I felt like writing, so I did. Bahaha. Go me! Not to be confused with Go Meat. . . those ads are some of the dumbest ones ever to be recorded. Anyway, have a God soaked day.

Evie B)

"I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws."
Psalm 119:30

The past week was the most wonderful, challenging, heart-breaking, discouraging, encouraging, random, planned, spontaneous, restrictive, freeing, and incredible week of my life.
Life is going to keep rolling, but I will hold those faces and places in my heart for the rest of my life.
I never knew that letting go of that week would be that difficult. The last night was every emotion at once. Truly, every emotion in one. The top two were heartbreak and ecstasy. Weird combo, huh?
I had to let go of people. One in particular.
I gained people and found out some things that I never knew.
June 27-July 4, 2009 will forever be etched in my memory as my last week of anything resembling childhood. My eyes and hearts have been opened.
I will hope for you.
I will pray for you.
I will love you all for the rest of my lives.
Raise up your heads, oh gates, so that the Lord of Glory may come in.

Evie B)

I'm going to bed now.
I will be off in my mountains for a week, so tata for now.
Evie B)

Goodness.

God sat me down yesterday and asked me why I have been wasting the time and resources He has so graciously entrusted to me.
I didn't have an answer.

Why does He care about me?
I don't know.
I sure am grateful He does, for whatever reason.

Evie B)

Interesting weekend.

Last night, I got my first tattoo down at Heart and Soul on Central.
Eddie, the guy who did it, was great. He was the cliche tattoo man.
My friends Jacob and Bekah (bro and sister) were there with me, moral support and all that jazz. Haha.
After, we walked up and down Central, really dumb idea, we turned back soon after we started out on our expedition . . .
We went to Denny's and I had a club sandwhich and a Dr. Pepper.
Bekah, Jake, and I talked for about an hour.
It was pretty fun.
Then we went back to their apartment and started to watch Kung Fu Panda and all promptly fell asleep. Lol.
This morning, I got up and had a staff meeting.
It was actually pretty fun.
Church was after and I got baptized.
It was cool and I'm glad I got to do it.
Matt Mizell baptized me, which was really special, not gonna lie.
Some other stuff happened today, too, but I really don't feel like writing about them.
There is one other thing that I want to write about:

Buddy, Elizabeth, Robert, Emily, Rachel, John, and I all went to Dairy Queen and had a grand old time.
Elizabeth enlighted us that real men are gay and Robert whipped out a list of Elizabethan insults from his wallet.
A good time was had by all.

Evie B)

P.S. Maybe one of these days. . .

Excited

I'm getting baptized at 11:45 this Sunday :)

My goodness.

Tonight was fun; so much fun. I needed this. It has been an incredibly not fun few days, so this was a welcome break. I went bowling with some friends. It was just splendid :)

Evie B)

So.

At least now I know that that door has officially closed.
I just wish that it I didn't have to come to that realization by having the door slammed in my face.
Life is moving on.
I'm picking up and going along with it.
I have things to do, set lists to plans, and friendships to take care of.
God pushed me on to keep moving through this, so that is what I'm going to do.

Evie B)

P.S.
Darian, I'm ok. I will write you more later.

I'm hurt and angry.

God is able.
Why?
Because He's God.

That's all I've got.
Thanks, Uncle Pal.

Evie B)

Today, I want my green blanket, I want to curl up on that couch, I want that shoulder to rest my head on, and I want those hands to hold. Yeah, that's what I want.

Since when did being a Christian mean that you automatically had REPUBLICAN stamped across your forehead in bright red ink?

I will never have it all figured out and I'm ok with that.

God is still mind blowing. (That was way profound, huh :P )
Life has been all over the place and centered all at the same time.
I don't know what I would do without music.
I'm more thankful than I've ever been for the friends in my life.

Now for some lyrics:

Let It All Out
by Relient K

Let it all out
Get it all out
Rip it out
Remove it
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed

Cause we're so scared to find out
What this life's all about
So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along
That's exactly what we need

And today I'll trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh, inconsistent me
Crying out for consistency

And You said I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart
Things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
The end will justify the pain it took to get us there

And I'll let it be known
At times I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me
There is strength

And you promise me
That you believe in time I will defeat this
Cause somewhere in me
There is strength

And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
That that man isn't me

Reach out to me
Make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for You
For You

And I know, You know
You touched my life
When you touched my heavy heart and made it light


Ok, I promise that I will write an "in-depth" blog soon, but for right now, a paragraph and some lyrics is going to have to cut it.
Love you all, hope you have a God-centered week.

Love,
Evie B)

I'm so thankful that I'm not in this life alone.

Who and when: that's what I want to know.

Music here, music there, music, music everywhere!!!

Ok, good music that I've found (refound) lately.

Love by John Lennon
Dirty Feet by Zach Williams
Fears by Zach Williams
Because He Lives by Zach Williams (youtube)
Be Kind by Eisley (youtube)
99 Luftballons by Nena
When You Were Young by The Killers
Dirty and Left Out by The Almost
Sweet Chariot by She & Him
Little Help From My Friends from the To Write Love On Her Arms (this one is in the video to the right)

Once upon a time, my background was red, now it's blue. Go me.

The past several days have been crazy. Saturday was the graduation. That was fun times. Mom and Dad came down for that, which was a very nice thing to do. They bought me a camera :) Thanks you two, parentals, you. . . . .

Today, I got up and went to church. It was a very good sermon, one of the best I've heard Todd preach. I was so exhausted, though. I was like, ok, I'm glad that Todd was in a funny mood today, because if he hadn't of been laughing up there, I'm terrified I would have nodded off. So sad, because it really was a good talk today, so my nodding off would have had nothing to do with the subject or delivery, just with my eyelids refusing to stay apart. But I didn't doze, so all of that description was pretty much pointless, oh well, I digress.

I have been having headaches everyday, which means my neck is messed up again. Sad face.

I've been seeing God in everything, lately, more so than usual. Things just would not make sense without this all-encompassing God and that's the crux of it. This complicated, maddening, wonderful, life would not function without God knitting things and circumstances together in ways that we don't see. It just goes back to the fact that the mysteries of God are too great for the human mind, so we are only allowed a tiny glimpse of the eternity of getting to know Him that is promised to those who love Him. It will take that much time (that much being forever haha) to understand and connect with the brilliance that is God. Unabashedly awesome, isn't it?

Well, I am listening to a behind-the-scenes feature on the movie, A Good Year. It is one of my very favorite movies. You should go watch it. It involves three things I greatly enjoy; the French country side, crazy characters, and very understated British snarkiness.

Ok, it is now 1:13 a.m. and I should not be typing or listening to a dvd features, but I am going to continue doing that last thing. With that, goodnight and thanks for all the fish. . . If you know where that is from, you rock.

Evie B)

Here are some lyrics just for you!! ;)

I Wasn't Prepared For This by Eisley

Oh, when the day is blue
I'll sit here wondering about you
And how the pollen fell
All around your face in strange yellow patterns

But, I wasn't prepared for this
Oh, I wasn't prepared for this

When the morning came
The bees flew down
And wrapped themselves around me
And that's when I spoke the word
To have them trace your face for me in pollen

But, I wasn't prepared for this
Oh, I wasn't prepared for this

Come, come back to me, my, my darling
Come, come back to me, my, my darling

I wasn't prepared for this
Oh, I wasn't prepared for this

When the day is blue
I'll sit here wondering about you

waiting and waiting and waiting some more

I hate that I want this so much. . .


































But I love it, too.

Evie B)

Wow

The Phil Whickham and Charlie Hall concert was incredible. The music was perfect, the audience was really into it, and there were hands outstretched to God everywhere you turned. What a perfect night it was.

Evie B)

Hoping, just maybe, just maybe

I want this to happen so badly, but I am terrified of getting hurt again.
I want to believe that maybe this time it really is different.
I want to connect to somebody on that level.
I want somebody to call at the end of the day.
I want somebody to call me the end of the day.
I want to not make a fool out of myself.
I want to feel that fire when everything is right.
I want to let go of this petrified feeling that the rug is going to be pulled out from under my feet.

Those are all things that I want, but I only want them if it is what God has in mind for me. I want His timing most of all, no matter the waiting period. Saying that is beyond difficult, but it is what I want. At the end of the day, I have to believe that God will really do what He said He would do: take care of me. My personal cry is, "God, let it be right this time and don't let me screw it up."

Evie B)

God is Incredible.

I cannot get over that fact.
His timing is perfect.
His ways really are higher than ours.
His love is perfect.
His justice is complete.
His mercy never ceases to amaze.
His arms are always open and, the last few hours especially, I am in complete awe that my God truly is EVERYTHING He says He is.

Evie B)

The Colors Inside My Head Are Swirling

I wonder who reads this blog. I have it open to the public, so I guess anybody could just stumble upon it, but I really do want to know. I think it would be really funny if one day, I bumped into somebody that recognized my picture from the blog. That would be great.

I am officially back in NM. I drove up to Salt Lake on Wednesday and drove back on Saturday. I' m still kind of tired from it. All yesterday, my legs were all bouncing from being in the car for eleven-ish hours. It just starts to feel like you're riding no matter what you do if you drive that long. Oh well, like I said, I'm officially (long term) back, and I don't have to drive up there for a long while. I'm happy about that. This last trip was just a confirmation that moving back was the right thing to do. I was talking to my buddy, Matt, and he pointed out to me that if I hadn't of gone to Salt Lake, I would have always wondered. That is such a good point, one that had not occurred to me. So, thank you Matt, for saying that to me. The past three, going on four, months have been the strangest of my life. I have decided that the older I get, the weirder things get. I am excited about the weirdest, though. For the first time in my life, I am by myself, with no dictations being put on me, and it's truly fantastic. I have really been enjoying getting to hang out with new people and nourishing relationships. I learned so much about myself in the SLC time, stuff that I wasn't aware of. There was also stuff that I was completely and utterly aware of and I got enough down time to understand why I am that way. Being forced to learn about myself was difficult. I had to deal with some of the garbage that I had been awesome at holding onto. I am by no means perfect, never will be, but I feel another part of me has been healed. God is good, that is the understatement of the ages.

That is the thing that has been replaying my mind, that God is good. My brain works that way, I tend to ruminate on one topic, sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes, most times, both. I stopped trying to figure out why my mind works that way, but that is something I will not know. In the long run, it doesn't matter why I work that way, it is me and I'm good with that. God makes everybody a certain way so that we can introduce new ideas into another individuals life. It just goes to show that God isn't dull. He is very unique and takes enough time to weave different thought patterns. Billions on earth, and each one with a distinct personality. I don't have a way to calculate how long it takes for a personality to be built, but I'm thinking its a while. Wow. Cool, God; thanks for the time and effort.

Ok, that is all I have for now. Love you, folks. Bye Bye


Evie B)

P.S. Fleet Foxes + driving through fog and snow covered mountains = a tiny glimpse of heaven.

Revelations.

Tonight, I sit in complete awe of the way that God works in my life. I don't deserve His uncompromising love, and never will, but He is always there waiting to take me back. Wow. I will never understand that, but, you know, I'm thankful for that too.
Miss E. B)

I've been dirtier than you'll ever know

I just realized last week, that for the first time in three years, I'm at peace with pretty much everyone in my life. It's good and incredibly strange at the same time, mostly good.
Evie B)

Something New. . .

I have decided that in life, sometimes you just have to watch. Watch the people in your life and their daily lives before you dare open your mouth to voice an opinion. Not enough people watch before stating an opinion and they stick their foot in their collective mouth.

I got my wisdom teeth out on Monday and haven't been able to talk much for the last few days.
I have been doing a lot of "helpful watching", as my Mom calls it, and it is really amazing how much you pick up in the little tone differences that people exchange. I've gotten to know people just by hearing those little differences and it has opened my eyes to so many things.

I have learned a lot in the past week because I have been listening more than I've been talking.
Wowsers. People should try it.

Evie B)

P.S. I really love how God just whacks you upside the head in the silences.

. . .

I'm well into the next stage of my life, so why am I wondering what will happen next?

I want contentment. Desperately.

Hmm

So, something big is going on right now. I'm not ready to tell everyone yet, but soon. I promise, soon. Ok, talk to all my homies later, buh bye.
Evie B)

F.Y.E.

I went to FYE today and bought, I'm Like A Virgin Losing A Child (Manchester Orchestra) for $7.99, but it was apparently on sale for $4.99: happy face.

I'm watching the end of Diary of A Mad Black Woman: good movie.

I'm holding on and letting go all at the same time.

well. . .

I'm eighteen.
Now what?

Here

Here is another blog.
Things in Salt Lake have been very interesting.
I am starting to learn my way around (yay).
Today, I went downtown to this restaurant/coffee dive to have lunch with the folks. When we were coming up to the door, I looked through the glass and saw a goth chic sitting next to a dude with long, LONG, hair and I shrieked, "Oh Mom! There ARE normal people in this city." The food was really good, I had a turkey sandwich and a piece of baklava (insanely good).
When we were walking in, there were about five homeless dudes sitting around each other, talking and asking for money. I didn't say anything to them on the way in, but on the way out, they asked my dad for money and he pulled out a five, so I went to go give it to the guys. The first guy, John, thanked and assured me that the money wouldn't be going to "alcohol or drugs, or crap like that": I said, "Ok, good to know. I believe you." Then he started asking me questions about where I was from and I told him the South, Georgia mostly. He told me about how he worked on the Peach Tree building in Atlanta (I have been by the building many times). I told him that the next time I was in Atlanta, I would stop at the Peach Tree and think of him. John went on and eventually started cussing to which, Earl, the dude next him, who was wearing a hat like looked EXACTLY like the Where's Waldo hat and really reminded me of Tommy Chong from Cheech and Chong, starting going, "MAN! Ah man, don't be saying that stuff in front of women, man."
John kept going.
"AAAAHHHHHHH man, don't be saying that stuff in front of ladies, man, don't."
I thought it was funny how I went from a woman to a lady...
Anyway, I told them that I'd be praying for them, and then I was off.
So yeah, that was part of my day. Good food, homeless man named John, homeless dude named Earl, and the two others men who didn't tell me their names, and normal people with spiked, black hair and four inch high doc martin boots.
:)

Seriously? Good grief.

I miss all you Albq. folks.
I miss my Thursday nights with you all.
I always stop and wonder why I'm not at small group at six o'clock on Thursdays.

Inhabited.

I went to a church yesterday.
The preacher asked how many of us had ever been in a church choir.
I raised my hand.
The preacher asked how many of us had ever been in a non-church choir.
I raised my hand.
The preacher said, "Ok, so you all know about harmony."
Nods and words of confirmation came back to the preacher.
"We are going to sing a really simple song and if you can do a harmony, please do. I want to hear what this group can do," he said.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. . .
The room was filled with the highs and lows of note values.
Every kind of voice singing, humming, whispering, bellowing, shouting, harmonizing, or just plain speaking, bounced off of the walls of that place.
The swell of voices at the words "I once was lost, but now I see," broke into people's hearts as God inhabited the praises of His people.
I sang for a good while, but I had to stop and listen to the sound of broken masterpieces bearing their heart to their Creator.
The sound made my heart warm.
I felt the Holy Spirit's calm, yet unabashedly exciting, presence touching people's lives.
Then, the preacher said that since we would be spending eternity with our fellow choir members, that we should go get to know them better.
We all went around meeting people and before we knew it, we were singing again.
A revival took place in that small church.
A church in a town that is dying and hurt; broken by the lies of a cult that wants nothing more than methodology.
But God is good and broke through the pain and into people's lives.
I have never seen smiles like I saw in that place.
I held hands with a woman that I have never met before, but I wasn't put off because she is my sister.
I hugged a woman who was crying about something going on in her life and she let me hold onto her like I was a long last friend.
I listened to a group of teenagers pray over their coming week of school as they huddled around each other.
I watched as the adults lovingly, not judgmentally, put their arms around those teens and prayed for strength in the coming days in their schools.
I saw black, white, brown, red, and yellow hold onto each other in that place.
Hippies with hair down to their backs and Vietnam Vets who's tattoos covered their arms held onto each other without prejudice.
Peace that passes all understanding, rest that only God can provide, and love called to action by the Holy Spirit.
God inhabited the praises of His people and His Holy Spirit spoke.
"Get up, move out, meet people. Don't just sit and know about Me, grow and mobilize. Be my army."
God inhabited.
God.
Inhabited.

I Felt Really Good This Day, Yes: by Bradley Hathaway

You're pouring Your love all over me
And it's dripping off the tops and sides and bottoms and middles of trees full of little, busy bees
About doing Your purpose how can this be?
That You've let my heart to see and experience and take in and now to sing
Sing, sing, sing about Your love to ever body, anybody, or the somebody that's considered a nobody
But they are special to Thee and for that I thank Thee that these things have been shown to me.

Keep this mercy falling down down and this grace down down
On the top of my scalp dripping off of my nose
Down around my bellybutton
All the way to my pinkie toe cuticle
That you made and for that it is cool.
Sometimes I play the fool, but still Your love is all around
Sprouting from the ground here and there and every where especially on this floor that I now stand.

LORD I PRAISE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE DIFFERENT AND EFFICIENT
And You've tweaked my spirit just enough so that I can taste and see that You truly are good.

Like a fresh picked pineapple for the first time in my mouth
Or the warmth of Your sun on the back of my not warm neck on a not warm day.
I praise Your name today and tomorrow and forever.

An answer.

What do you do when you are faced with the future that you have been dreaming about for the past seven years?

What do you do when that future is so close you can taste it, but God says wait?

What do you do?

The only answer that I've found is trust that God is who He says He is: loving, all-knowing, faithful, kind, and trustworthy. That He isn't laughing happily while watching me struggle. That He wants what's best for me: that He knows what He's doing. I will cling to the fact that God is not a whack-a-mole who is waiting for me to stick my head up so He can slam me back into the ground. I will trust that He made me with a purpose. I will trust that His timing is best and will work to the greatest advantage for me and for all others who are, and will be, involved. But right now, most of all, I will stand on the fact that God has never lied to me and never will.

Evie B)

Yay

My new blog background reminds me of bad, 1960s wallpaper. Yay.

Well, isn't that special?

So, it is 11:43 p.m. and I am getting ready to head to bed. This will be the first time that I've gone to bed before 2 a.m. in quite a while. Sad, I know, but that is just how it has been going lately.
I know a lot of you have wanted to know how the move has been going, so here's a little update.
1. All the boxes are out of the trucks and inside of the house.
2. All of the furniture is in its respective room.
3. My room has no overhead light in it, so every time I walk in, I flip the light switch and nothing
happens. Grrr.
4. It has been very cold in Salt Lake and I got frost bite today.
5. I am going to a church where my uncle has been preaching a lot lately. I don't know if I will be
staying there or not.
6. The job at Barnes & Noble fell through.
7. I am taking a break from school, but am looking into the possibility of going to several
different universities.
8. Things with my dad have not been good since we moved here.
9. My Christmas was not so hot because of #8.
10. My room still isn't completely unpacked because I have too much junk. I will be changing
that soon.
11. My mom's job is going well.
12. I don't think I have been warm since I got here.
13. I miss all of my friends.
14. I miss my church.
15. I miss being comfortable.
16. I am going to start looking for a job on Monday.
17. I miss small group.
18. I miss Tuesday nights at Dion's.
19. I miss Friday nights.
20. God wants me here.

Number 20 is the only reason that I have not sat my butt back in my car and driven back to Albuquerque. There is a relentless pulling at me that I am right where I am supposed to be, but I feel very alone. It is cold and dreary outside and I feel like the weather has just been mirroring how I feel on the inside. Almost like High of 75 by Relient K. I honestly am having a lot of difficulty being still and patient and trying to see the upside of why I am here. My cousins all have their own lives, which they have graciously been bringing me into, yet it is still very awkward because I don't know them well and they don't know me. The fact of the matter is, I am feeling very, very stretched right now and don't know why I am being stretched so far. There has to be some answer like, "God is bringing you closer to Him through this experience." Which I know, but I'm human. I'm angry, hurt, lonely, worn out, and I want a fresh answer.

That's that side of me. The other side is the one that says, "Calm down." And those two words are coming directly from God's mouth to my ears. This time is going to introduce a lot of new opportunities to me and frankly, that terrifies me. It is much easier to sit back and enjoy what you know you have a handle on, but a completely different thing to pick up and start something entirely new.

This is the first move of my life that I had a real, honest to goodness life in the place that I left. Salt Lake City may be bringing my thirteenth house, but it's presenting my first life over hall. El Paso was hard, but I WANTED to leave there (for lots of reasons). I can't say the same about Albq. That was the first place that I ever drove, I ever went to hang out with people, felt involved and that I had a hand in something, felt invested in peoples lives: and I had to leave. Now that I have realized that, I have had to start thinking about how to deal with letting go of all of those things. That is where the struggle has been. The next few months look like they are bringing new jobs, new responsibilities, new uses of time, new people, and new friends. I am looking forward to the newness, but not to the hard that comes along with it. "I am a stranger in a strange land." Those words have never resonated so much as they do now.

So, for those of you who wanted to know how things were going, there was the update. I'm sorry that it wasn't more cheery and to the tone of, "Every thing's going great! I've already talked to eight LDS missionaries!", but I would be lying through my teeth. Just be praying for me to sit and wait/watch, and then do what God has set me up to do here. I love all of you and think about you daily.

Evie B)

I have a song stuck in my head.